How a Disaster-Class Necromancer Retires – Chapter 1

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  • DEMONIC TRANSLATIONS

    Translator/Proofreader – Kshn

    — — —

    Chapter 1

    Clatter! Clatter!

    An endless line of skeletons surged forward relentlessly.

    “Rooooar!”

    At the forefront of this skeleton legion stood a massive Meat Golem, its body a patchwork of various flesh stitched haphazardly together.

    As the Meat Golem swung its enormous hand, akin to its own size, the Demon King’s army fell like leaves in the wind.

    Overwhelmed by its imposing presence and the ceaseless onslaught of the skeleton legion, the terrified Demon King’s army cried out as they fled,

    “Ah! Run for your lives!”

    Watching this scene under the protection of a Death Knight, I couldn’t help but smirk and say,

    “All that hard work was worth it.”

    Creating that Meat Golem was no small feat.

    It might look like a random assemblage, but I crafted it carefully, considering symmetry and even the hues of the skin – it’s my masterpiece.

    “Demon of Theros!”

    ‘Demon of Theros’ is the nickname the Demon King’s army has given me.

    And Theros happens to be the name of the Archmage of the Human Alliance who summoned me, now sweating beside me.

    “Um… Ji-hyuk?”

    “Yes?”

    “Why do you always bring me along in every battle?”

    I respond with a look of disbelief,

    “You’re the one who summoned me, right? Then you should see for yourself how well I fight.”

    Summoned 30 years ago under Theros’s leadership as a candidate hero, I was, in a sense, a hero.

    Of course, I knew I didn’t exactly fit the hero image, visually or otherwise, but what can you do?

    Given my aversion to danger, leaving the fighting to my undead legion while I observe from a distance suited my Necromancer’s disposition best.

    “We’ve seen enough already…”

    I knew why Theros acted this way.

    Not just the Demon King’s army, but even the Human Alliance, our supposed allies, saw me as a figure of terror.

    In the early days, I fought desperately to survive, unhesitatingly raising the dead from even our own fallen.

    Can I understand the feelings of those who loathe me?

    Absolutely.

    Who wouldn’t be horrified to see their fallen comrades rise as undead?

    But that’s precisely why I keep Theros by my side.

    “No, it’s not enough. Keep watching. Haven’t I always said this? If you summon someone, at least feel responsible. Summoned from a nap at home, thrown into a war I knew nothing about, I’ve been fighting for 30 years. I didn’t even have the time to empathize with your Alliance’s cause. Why did you have to summon me at all?”

    As Theros fumbles for words, I say with a slight smile,

    “Just watch quietly. Like I’ve always said, if it weren’t for the possibility of returning to Earth, my enemies wouldn’t have been the Demon King’s army, but you. Honestly, to me, the Demon King’s army and your invasion forces look the same.”

    At first, they were so terrified of me, they thought I was a real horned demon… but I wasn’t.

    The Demon King’s army was just another intelligent race from the Demon Realm.

    They merely wanted to escape the harsh demon realm and settle in the human world, another race with their own aspirations.

    Of course, the fact that many humans were slaughtered in the process is true, but that’s something that can happen in any war.

    Still, the reason I continue to side with humanity isn’t out of dislike for the Demon King’s army or empathy with the Human Alliance’s cause, but simply because siding with them seemed the most efficient way to return to Earth.

    “I think only in terms of efficiency. If I had worried about every little thing, I would have been long dead.”

    As a Necromancer, dealing with corpses, the Demon King’s army and the Human Alliance seem no different to me.

    In such a situation, my choice to judge everything solely based on efficiency was what allowed me to survive.

    “Anyway, stop nagging and just watch quietly…”

    But then, at that moment,

    “The Demon King! The Demon King is—!”

    “Huh?”

    I turn my head and see the Demon King, reduced to a bloody mess, held in the Meat Golem’s hand.

    In just a moment of distraction, my adorable Meat Golem had captured the Demon King.

    “What? It’s over just like that?”

    That’s when Theros speaks up,

    “Co-congratulations. You’ve finally defeated the Demon King!”

    I respond, licking my lips,

    “He was weaker than I thought. Had I known he was this feeble, I would have dealt with him sooner.”

    “Excuse me?”

    “I had four other ultimate weapons for the final showdown with the Demon King, besides the Meat Golem. Had I known it would end this anticlimactically, I would have just brought them all out and finished it quickly.”

    Hearing this, Theros’s pupils shake as if he’s experiencing an earthquake.

    “There are… four more like that?”

    “To be precise, there are four stronger than the Meat Golem, but anyway, that’s not what’s important right now, is it?”

    I say, beaming with a smile,

    “The Demon King is dead, right? Time to keep your promise.”

    — — —

    “Hehehehehe.”

    Mountains of gold bars and jewels.

    I run my hands over the gold bars,

    “I’m rich now.”

    With these, I plan to return to Earth and enjoy a leisurely, peaceful, and luxurious retirement.

    “Play games, watch movies. Yeah! Maybe buy a yacht? Ultra-luxury villas around the world!?”

    No more wandering battlefields and handling corpses. I’m going to live a life of luxury and opulence!

    Then Theros approaches cautiously and says,

    “Everything is ready. Are you going to go now?”

    “Why? You want me to leave quickly?”

    “No, no, not at all. The Emperor is preparing a celebration in your honour…”

    “Don’t bother with empty gestures. The same people who sweat bullets and keep their distance from me throwing a celebration? Please.”

    One of the many reasons I want to return to Earth is the lack of fun here.

    No entertainment, people hate yet rely on me, and my 30 years here have been filled with nothing but loneliness and boredom.

    “Just wait. I need to pack up.”

    With a wave of my hand, a vast void opens, and the gold bars and jewels piled in the warehouse are sucked in instantly.

    Converted into cash, these are worth at least several trillion, maybe even tens of trillions.

    With this much, I can live comfortably without worrying about money ever again.

    “Alright. Send me back.”

    Responding to my command, Theros presents a magic stone as big as a human head, covered in complex magical formulas.

    “This magic stone has been twisting causality to keep you here. That’s why you haven’t aged.”

    The key that Theros had hidden all along, capable of sending me back to Earth.

    “My calculations are correct; destroying this stone will return you to the moment you arrived here, due to causality’s regression.”

    “I don’t know much about causality or whatever. I specialize in the undead. So, I just need to smash this, right?”

    “Yes. And you must not resist the regression of causality.”

    “Got it, got it.”

    I don’t quite understand, but it seems like all I need to do is stay still.

    Taking the magic stone, I say,

    “Next time, don’t summon people carelessly. And if you do, I’ll start by killing you all first, got it?”

    Theros, sweating profusely, responded,

    “There won’t be a next time.”

    “Of course, there shouldn’t be. How do I destroy it?”

    “The causality has been twisted for decades, so it’s already at its limit. Even a small impact will shatter it.”

    “Really?”

    I raised my fist high and brought it down, saying,

    “Then I’m off! This place sucked, so let’s never see each other again!”

    — — —

    After entrusting myself to some kind of twist and opening my eyes, I smiled brightly and said,

    “I’m back.”

    Earth, the place I’ve longed for even in my dreams for decades.

    “Yippee!”

    An Earth with no blood-soaked battlefields, no people egging me on and despising me.

    Here is my homeland, South Korea, a place as good as any in the world to live in, as long as you have money.

    I caressed the gaming console connected to the TV with an ecstatic expression,

    “Have you been waiting long?”

    I took a nap while playing a new title all night, and when I woke up, I was in the land of Seron.

    “You wouldn’t understand how much I’ve missed you.”

    I reverently recalled old memories and started up the console.

    And my save file, called up for the first time in 30 years.

    But,

    “I can’t remember the story.”

    I had no recollection of the parts I played before.

    “Uh…”

    Holding the controller, I couldn’t even remember the controls, a total mess.

    “Looks like I need to start with the tutorial.”

    But then I smiled and said,

    “I might as well start from the beginning later, I have all the time in the world.”

    I put down the controller and recalled the 1,000 things I wanted to do once I returned to Earth.

    “First, kimchi fried rice, kimchi stew.”

    Just the thought made my mouth water.

    “Ah, I thought I’d die without real rice and kimchi.”

    The staple food in the land of Seron was a potato-like crop, not bad in taste but not enough to satisfy a palate accustomed to rice and kimchi.

    “Yeah. Starting today, I’m going to eat and play to my heart’s content!”

    That’s why I brought loads of gold and jewels.

    I started to change out of my black robe into clothes that were my style 30 years ago,

    “Earth is the best.”

    Even the feel of the clothes is different.

    Natural materials?

    Sorry, but clothes made on Earth, with its highly advanced basic materials engineering, are overwhelmingly better in finish and feel.

    Grinning, I said,

    “Now, let’s take out the money.”

    I reached out to retrieve the gold stored in my void space.

    The entrance to the void space naturally appeared.

    But,

    “What?”

    I thought of the gold bars, but nothing came out.

    Then I thought of the jewels and various other items, but the void space didn’t respond.

    “What’s going on? Why isn’t anything coming out?”

    With a panicked expression, I reached into the void space and, turning pale, said,

    “Gone… It’s gone?”

    Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

    It’s not just that specific items are missing; my void space feels utterly empty, devoid of anything and everything. The gold bars and jewels I had painstakingly gathered from the empire’s treasury, and even my painstakingly crafted undead legion accumulated over decades, have all vanished into thin air.

    “What the hell! Where did everything go!”

    My Meat Golem!

    My Death Knights!

    No, that’s not what’s important right now.

    “My money…”

    My retirement fund from the land of Seron, meant for a leisurely retirement, has disappeared without a trace. My 30 years of hard work gone, just like that.

    “Wait a minute… I’m broke without it?”

    My goal was to retire from the battlefield to a quiet, peaceful life, but now I’m worrying about my next meal.

    “Damn it. You need money to retire!”

    Though my physical age remains in the late twenties due to the distortion of causality, inside I’m an almost sixty-year-old man. It’s time for retirement!

    “No! Where did everything go?!”

    Fury boiling over, I screamed,

    “That b*****d Theros!”

    I can’t be sure what exactly Theros did, but right now, he’s the only target for my rage.

    “Aaaaargh!”

    Just then, while I was in the midst of my frenzy,

    “…Huh?”

    I felt a magical disturbance from afar.

    “Magic on Earth?”

    I don’t understand what’s going on, but I can’t just stand here doing nothing. I was about to use a flying spell as I burst through the window, then stopped myself,

    “I shouldn’t attract attention. This is supposed to be retirement, after all.”

    So, I went through the door and headed towards the source of the magical disturbance, grumbling,

    “Damn. It’s been ages since I’ve had to run.”

    Having always travelled in a palanquin carried by skeleton bearers, this act of running felt awkward.

    “Aaaaah!”

    “Run away!”

    As I got closer to the source of the magic, more and more people were fleeing in terror.

    “What the hell is going on?”

    Finally, I arrived at the scene.

    Immediately upon arrival, I could tell where the magical disturbance was coming from.

    Something that looked like a giant entrance to a void space, emitting a brilliant light.

    “Damn it… What now?”

    Then, from the void space, bizarre creatures began to emerge.

    “Why are such things on Earth!? That b*****d Theros, where has he sent me!”

    Not only did my undead legion and my retirement fund disappear, but now Earth is plagued with strange monsters.

    Just then, people in armour and wielding weapons jumped down, charging at the monsters.

    “Civilians, evacuate!”

    These people, with skills hard to believe for ordinary folks, were swiftly slaughtering the monsters.

    “What’s that about?”

    People like this on Earth?

    They’re almost like knights from the continent of Seron.

    In a pinch, if turned into Death Knights, they could be quite useful… No, that’s not the point.

    I looked up at the sky with a dazed expression and said,

    “My retirement…”

    Though I don’t fully understand what’s happening, one thing is crystal clear.

    My retirement plans are thoroughly ruined.

    — — —

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